Tuesday, July 6, 2010

Waiting

Ugh. Where to begin?

I must admit, when things get hard, I tend to shy away from this blog. Part of it is because I know that it's not always wise to share every single personal thing with the randomness that is the Blogosphere. Just like I wouldn't walk up to a perfect stranger and, upon introduction, blab every detail of my life, I try to be somewhat judicious about what I share on the World Wide Web.

Another part is that it's just my personality. If you don't already know it, I kind of have a penchant for the lighthearted. Yet, life is rarely completely lighthearted so rather than shy away and lock down, I'm going to share some of the more serious and personal happenings as of late:

Mark was informed 2 weeks ago that his office will be closing. We are not sure of the exact date in which this will take place, and he is employed until that time, nevertheless our employment future is uncertain. At the time that this information came in, the corporate office offered him another position in a different state. We are not opposed to a move, even though our hearts are very much here in Alabama, because, ultimately, we know that we must go where there is provision for our family. However, what they are currently offering will not be enough for us to make it in an area with a higher cost of living. Bottom line, we are still in negotiations.

On top of that, Mark cannot pursue (as aggressively as he would like) other job options locally because the "official announcement" had not been made and a definitive date has not set from Corporate that this office is shutting down. It's unnerving because, in this economy, jobs aren't exactly plentiful, so he'd like to get started, but to leak the information could get him fired thereby losing the small severance that he was promised should the other position not work out. So, to sum things up, we feel like we are in a highly charged period of "hurry-up-and-wait".

Which, can I just say, is SO NOT my strong point?

Hello, my name is Gayle, and I like to be in control of my life. I like it when all of the loose ends are neatly tied up and I have a semi-clear picture of what things are looking like on the horizon. I like feeling secure, and I like not worrying that our bills will be paid, and that our friends and family are just down the road, and that church is on Sunday at 10:45... I like those things.

But, I've also been a Christian for awhile now, and I can sense when God is working on me pretty clearly. It's very obvious that being impatient and having control issues are not befitting of a follower of Christ for starters. Plus, I can quote a ton of Scripture to counter each thing that I said in that last paragraph. Ironically, I taught a class on the very day that we got this news about trusting God in ALL things because everything is meant for our ultimate good... ~grin~ (I actually think it's wonderful and amazing how my Father had me utterly immersed in His Word over this in the weeks that preceeded this.) I know the Scripture. I know the answers. And it all boils down to one thing. Faith. But, I've gotta tell ya, sometimes exercising that faith and hard-core trust is hard!

That's where I am. I'm desperately wanting to trust and to not fret or be anxious. I want to be like a little child who knows that her Daddy is absolutely going to take care of her because His love is so unfathomably deep. I want to be content in any and every circumstance even if that means a big ole move, or a season of unemployment (one of my biggest fears). I want all this head knowledge to transfer to my anxious, sinful heart so that His goodness will be apparent to all that are in contact with me.

But I'm not quite there.

And then I feel terrible about it, because y'all, God and I have walked some seriously hard roads together before and never once... NOT ONCE... has He failed to come through in a mighty way. So, why should I even consider that this time we're all going to fall flat on our faces? I don't know.

My point in putting this on here is twofold:

1. To ask you to pray. The majority of you that come here are Christians and I have a pretty strong feeling that I'm not the only one to have experienced this, even if the circumstances are entirely different... there is nothing new under the sun. So please pray for us as we walk this thing out.

2. To have it all spelled out, so that when we get to the other side (whenever that may be), we can look back to see how He worked it out. Because He will. My head surely knows it. :)

Thanks for reading and much love,



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6 comments:

Angela said...

I will pray, my husband lost his job of 11 years in October. We have had a few contract things, nothing steady yet BUT God has used this trial to deepen our faith like never before-I like you like to know what is going to happen, I like to plan, my new normal is week to week, month to month and at first it was so hard but you know what, I'm better for it. I now truly depend on the Lord for ALL provision. A job is merely a means God provides for us but it is NOT our provision, HE is. I could write a BOOK on the blessings that have come our way in the last 8 months-and this is the best part, I wouldn't go back now to where we were-the journey has changed our lives-we are still praying for a job or to grow our own business but we are different people. You will be okay, I know it is hard to see it on this side of it but I will be praying.

Angela

Leanne said...

Gayle, I will say a prayer for you right this very moment....

And I will continue to pray as God brings you to mind.

It helps, in the blogosphere, especially with stay at home moms, to know that there are others out there having the same issues.

You're in Good Hands.

Donna @ Way More Homemade said...

I posted this on FB, but wanted to put it here as well.

I have so much more I could probably say, but I'll leave it at this: I am still walking this road also. I know all those feelings and a year and a half post-layoff am still dealing with them. It's so easy to know these things in our heads; but to let them travel the 12 inches down to our hearts sometimes is pretty difficult. I love you, friend. I'm walking right beside you. And like Holly, my phone line is always open. ♥

Sheryl said...

Gayle,

I'm praying for you. I understand your situation. God uses everything to mold us in the image of His Son.

My husband has been out of work for over a year. He's in construction and when the economy goes down...his job goes out.

We have many difficulties we are dealing with but I know my God is faithful.

I will pray for you and your family. Seek HIS face. He will provide your every need.

Sheryl

Linda said...

I love it when you share your heart! from someone who has gone thru big changes the past few years...it can be an incredible adventure or an ugly struggle. what I do know is every tiny bit of change in my life has been worth it. bad and good. so as much as I'm sad for you and your sweet family...it's so stinking hard to close one door and open another. I anticipate hearing how God will prove His faithfulness to you over and over again! it can be unbelievably GREAT Gayle. Isaiah 26:3

Halfmoon Girl said...

I love the way you express yourself- so real. I have read your most recent post before this one, so I know you have some answers, but will pray that Mark will be blessed with a great new job opportunity!