Friday, July 18, 2008

Reason # 608,734 why I love my computer...

I temporarily took leave of my senses yesterday. I went against one of my strictest rules put in place by torturous experience. And the results? Not surprisingly: TORTUROUS.

I took all 4 of my beloved children shopping. I don't mean grocery, although that certainly qualifies under said rule, I mean "Mama's a mite discontented with her wardrobe and Julianna needs a new bathing suit shopping".

I have to go ahead and exonerate my sweet daughter here. Actually I'm going to give her some serious props for her innate skillz in this area. She picked out and tried on like a champ even under such excruciating conditions as having your three havoc-wreaking brothers there laughing uncontrollably because you put your denim capri's on inside out after leaving the fitting room. Could she help it that she was excited to have found a $45 dress for $7 and it fit perfectly?!

Excuse me while I wipe a tear because even as I type, she came walking out here in her jammies with her new sparkly pink flip-flops on her feet. Atta girl!!!

But back to the torturous part. I love my boys so much, but y'all, they are their Daddy's men. Right down to the baby, who, by the way turns FIVE today! We have a BANG-UP day planned and not a bit of it includes shopping. I will post on that tomorrow...

Gravy, I keep getting sidetracked. ANYWAY, they are their Daddy's men. They weren't 6 seconds into our little excursion before their eyes started to glaze over and the whining ensued. But it never stops there, because if it did, I would be soooo alright with that, you see, because I can tune my lovies out like nobodies business.

NO, it gradually escalates from touching e-v-e-r-y-t-h-i-n-g that can break, to riding on your not-so-coordinated big brother's back right into a small clearance kiosk (which turned out to be forgivable because that's how we found the aforementioned sparkly pink flip-flops on sale for $3....can I get an AMEN?)

The part that caused my blood pressure to finally reach stroke level was when I started to the checkout. In all honesty, that is always my least favorite part of any shopping trip as it is, but this time, because the boys were buck-wild, it made it all the worse. As I am trying to corral them all to within a few feet of me, (which is no small feat because they have this wretched tendency to scatter like....I don't know....but something that scatters.....) I hear this blood curdling screech from Andrew. You know the automatic sliding doors? Yeah, well, he somehow managed to get his chubby little arm stuck in between the sliding one and the stationary one. So I run over there, leaving the rest of my children amuk around the ceramics, to try to disengage my child from the contraption. But it wasn't budging.

And since we can never have just a small amount of chaos, about that time, the little unmoving doors must have sensed that it had a child caught in it's clutches because IT started screaming, too. Alarms were going off and every associate for miles, I swear, came running. Thankfully, after what felt like 16.5 hours, I was able to loosen Andrew's arm.

I then took my child, my purchases and my fractured dignity to the cashier where she looked me dead in the eye, right here in the middle of Summertime, and asked me: "Do you homeschool?"

THIS is why I shop online, thankyouverymuch. Now I am off to celebrate Squeezie Cookie's big 5 years. Adios and Happy Friday!


Jenni at talking hairdryer said...

I'm laughing because we just lived that a couple of days ago. Except no one asked me if I homeschooled. What does that have to do with anything?

Distybug said...

Wow, I've lived that a few times too. So...I have he same rule! Darlin is fine at any store, but the boys??? Oy! Totally NOT worth it!

I'm with Jenni, what does homeschooling have to do with it?

Gayle @ thewestiecrew said...

Honestly, I don't know why she asked that. I am assuming it's because they were acting like unsocialized boy-barians who had been raised in a barn? :D

Caroline said...

Grrrr....on the homeschool comment.

Big AMEN on taking girls

BOYS?? I would have to go temporarily INSANE to take my boys shopping. We call it the "Boy Frenzy" instead of shark frenzy. They start feeding off one another till they are crazy.

ReviewsbyHeidi said...

You never cease to crack me up. I think we need to plan an upcoming phone session, cause I'd just love to hear your voice telling this story~ too cute!
Already, I'm seeing this boy-shopping tendencies in Ian and he's only 2! LOL He's definitely HIS father's son as well~ I guess ALL boys fit that mold, though I do know a few men who actually enjoy shopping! Go figure~ I certainly didn't find one for me!

Duckygirl said...

Oh, you are so describing my trip to IKEA on Tuesday!! Wohoo on the sales items, that's what makes it tolerable! :P


Gotta GROW with it said...

pfft...what in the world? okay, so i'm not a homeschoolin' mama, but i surely love all those who are. so it kinda, no really ruffs my feathers at attitudes like that?

orrrr, may be she was so impressed by your micro-managing and happy (at least all but poor widdle andrew) children that she put you in that "category" because you ARE THE MAMA!

phew, what a day for you. i got tired just reading. love how you give such fun details to such a, er, i mean FUN day!

sometimes ya gotta do, whatcha gotta do. kids on tow or not. good for you girl!

KarenW said...

Shopping with little ones, no matter their gender, can be a challenge. I'm just now getting to where I can shop with my 10 year old dd. So sorry about Andrew. I hope his arm is ok.

Emily said...

no, no, no, NO! That's just JUST like life....down to the 'Do you homeschool' comment. yikes.

It reminded me of the day that I planned this big outing with all 4 kids to this birds of prey show, we drive all the way to nowhere....get there, and my kid has on 1 shoe. one. I screech at her and she ends up in her brothers socks, (which were..mismatched) and the bird lady at the end did the SAME thing to me. Asked me if I homeschooled.

we really do stick out, ya know.

Happy b-day to the little squirt.

Anonymous said...

Reason #348,292 why I'm stopping at two kids! :-)

Sounds like that cashier needs a bit of homeschoolin' herself... in MANNERS!!!

Anonymous said...

NOOOOOO! I hate that! I only want to be asked that question when my children are acting like angels. As if homeschooling has anything to do with whether our kids behave or not anyway. I mean, when I see a kid misbehaving I don't go ask the mom, "Do you send your kid to public school?" That would be rude. And everyone knows it. Why are the "rules" different for homeschoolers?

Seriously, you exhibited extreme bravery taking three little boys shopping. If I had an award for it I would award thee, sister.

carrie said...

Ack! Am I the only nice cashier on the face of this earth?? I keep hearing horrendous stories about these cashiers with very rude habits of being RUDE!

Sorry, but most of the homeschoolers I know behave very well. And boys are boys no matter where you educate them.

just. wow.

Cindy-Still His Girl said...

She must have just seen incredible patience and joy and tenderness in you and assumed you homeschool. ;)

Shelby got her foot caught in one of those spinning hotel doors. It stopped all traffic going in and out. Good times.

Reformed Grits said...

Oh no she did not!!!!! ARGH!!!!

Happy Birthday to the little man!!!

Andrea said...

Oh my word...sounds like y'all gave TJ Max a run for their money! ;-)

I cannot believe that cashier!!
Let's go back together and I'll have a talk with her!

Happy Birthday AW!!

Under the Florida Sun said...

ROFL!! So true!
Either shop online or let Dad keep them home for the day while you shop.

It gets better though. As the girls get older they have become great shopping pals for me. You'll have the same before you know it :-)

Happy Birthday to your little one!!

javamamma said...

Just think. Twenty years from now, you will laugh at this adventure. And long for the days!

Leanne said...

Happy birthday to your boy!!!

What a precious day! And I bet you maintained your cool and calm through the whole thing, huh???


I'd be so gettin' me a BIG treat after that day!!

You're hilarious, you know??